Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Pick up lines

By Tom O'Mara
@celtictso

Thanksgiving... A day to sit back, overindulge in some food, enjoy your family, and watch Football.... Ok, Ok.... the enjoying the family thing is a bit much... Seriously though... When I think of Thanksgiving, I think Martha Stewart. Yes, THAT Martha Stewart. The felon. The annoying presence in every K-Mart you walk into. (So.. I shop at K-Mart sometimes, you have a problem with that?!?!?) Now why would I think of Martha Stewart you ask? A few years back, I was having Thanksgiving dinner at my parents' house, and my mother was on a big Martha Stewart kick. She subscribed to the magazine. She watched her on TV. She had Martha Stewart towels, plates, garbage bags... she may have even had MS tampons... (probably not- Martha Stewart does NOT bleed! She's an evil evil alien! I digress.) So, there my mother is, following every recipe to the exact measurement (using her Martha Stewart measuring cups!)... Dinner is ready. We all sit down, say our thank yous, and begin to over indulge in the food... Unfortunately, there would be NO overindulging this Thanksgiving. I love cranberry sauce. Love it. Love every tasty bit of it. It's the first thing I go for. Took a big heaping spoonful... BLAH! Spit it out... The most disgusting thing I have ever tasted... It was so sour and bitter, it would've made the Grinch smile. For the remainder of the dinner, I couldn't get that taste out of my mouth. YUCK. Thanksgiving Well, as it turns out, the NEXT month's issue of Martha Stewart's magazine came in the mail a few weeks later... Printed, in small typeface, on one of the FIRST pages... "Correction... In last month's issue, we printed a recipe for Cranberry sauce. Unfortunately, we regret that we left one key ingredient out. 1 Cup of sugar should be added to the mixture before cooking. We are sorry for the inconvenience." Thanks a lot Martha Effing Stewart. Thanks a lot. Just remember this story as you head into your playoff run. Don't forget EVERY ingredient. Kickers, while not important on draft day, become important. Defenses become important. Even your bench becomes important. You have Mccoy? Pick up Bryce Brown and drop the WR that you'll never play. Every. Ingredient. Counts. Don't be a Martha Stewart. WAIVER WIRE PICKUPS These are players that are available in leagues. As always, If Geno Smith & Mike Wallace are available, please DON'T pick them up... and thank your league mates for being smart fantasy players. Quarterbacks Aaron Rogers' chances of playing on Thanksgiving are "slim to none" according to the Head Coach. They already benched Tolzien during last week's game, and Flynn came in and played well. He will start on Thanksgiving and put up top 10 fantasy numbers. Really? You forget to tell people to put sugar in a recipe?!?!? With Jason Campbell being sidelined by a concussion, Weeden will get the start this week. However, unless you are really really desperate, he shouldn't be started. He is just bench/backup material, unless you are in a 2 QB league. Don't forget to add potatoes to the mashed potato recipe! Ponder performed adequately this past weekend, but much like Weeden, he is really only useful as a backup QB in fantasy. If you are in a deep, deep league or a two QB league, Ponder can be useful. Oh crap! Turkey! We forgot to add the TURKEY! Running Backs Steven Ridley and LeGarrette Blount will be about as useful as printing a correction the month after you give out a recipe. They both dropped the ball... literally and figuratively. Bill Bellicheck hates players that fumble (almost as much as he hates talking to the media.) Both Ridley & Blount were benched after their miscues, and this is the 4th straight game that Ridley has coughed it up. I think we have a better chance of seeing bigfoot running around on the field than we do Ridley. However, If you play ANY Patriots Running Back, you're taking your chances. Ryan Matthews injured his hamstring. They haven't ruled him out for this week, HOWEVER, he is Ryan Matthews. He won't play. Danny Woodhead will be the primary beneficiary here, but Brown will be active in the game as well. If you're desperate for a running back in a season where RBs were the "MS Cranberry Sauce" of dinner, grab Brown. Rum & Coke - What's in THAT Martha?!?!? Wide Receiver Floyd has been a top 20 WR the last few weeks. And Carson Palmer has been top 5 since week 8... Grab Floyd NOW. He should be owned in EVERY league. Playing opposite Larry Fitzgerald is always a benefit, and Floyd is taking full advantage! People had been saying that Alex Smith can't throw the deep ball... Well, he proved them wrong last week, as he threw several deep passes to Donnie Avery. As with Floyd, Avery takes advantage of the fact that he has Dwayne Bowe across from him. Bowe has improved his game in the last few weeks (Maybe he had Glaucoma!) and with that, Avery has become a solid fantasy target. I would like to wish you all a very safe, and happy Thanksgiving. I'm very thankful that you take the time to read this column, and very thankful for the nice tweets and follows on twitter. Good luck to your teams this week, and God Bless.... well not you Martha Stewart- you can kiss my cranberries! ... as always, if you have any questions regarding your lineup/team or you just want to bash me for any bad advice, i can be found on twitter @celtictso Good Luck this week.

No comments:

Post a Comment