Monday, February 18, 2013

Fantasy Basketball Add/Drops

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Breath! Inhale, exhale. Inhale again. Now exhale again. Now close your eyes and meditate for 30 seconds. I know, I know meditating is boring as hell but just do as I say don’t do as I do! Needless to say, I don’t meditate! It’s boring! Anyway, good fantasy hoops peoples, we have arrived at the All Star Break and according to ESPN the NBA season is exactly 65% complete. Using my simple 3rd grade math skills, logical reasoning and a calculator, I have determined that we are almost two-thirds through the season! I’m so smart. For you teams lagging behind, it’s time to get realz and think about shaking and moving. Or moving and shaking. Whichever you prefer! Anyway, part two!, it’s Add/Drop Friday! As usual the players listed on the Add side are players who are trending up and who (whom!) I believe to be under owned. Conversely (word of the day!), the players on the Drop side are players who are trending down and, depending on the size of your league, can possibly be launched for a hot free agent. Ok, ok, let’s get to it, shall we? Please note all fantasy basketball ownership percentages are from Yahoo!
Ricky Rubio – 74% – Oh, Ricky, you’re so fine, you’re so fine, you blow my mind, oh, Ricky! da da da da. Oh Ricky, you’re so fine, you’re so fine, you blow my mind, oh, Ricky! da da da da. Go back and sing it, it’s fun!
Dion Waiters – 61% – Playing some good ball, y’all! A rhyme!
Derrick Favors – 60% – By this time next week we will know if Derrick Favors should be owned in 85% of all leagues. Why wait? Yes, yes, I know he’s probably owned in your league so don’t yell at me in the Comments. I’m just going off the fact he’s still not owned in 40% of Yahoo! leagues. Thanks for your cooperation!
Byron Mullens – 54% – Stop Mull-ens grabbing him and do it!
Spencer Hawes – 53% – Pick him up then move him out quick, quick. Like Billy Joel!
Earl Clark – 51% – Earl sounds like a truck driver. I don’t think I’ve ever actually met anyone under the age of 50 who has that name. Interesting! Not really.
Kris Humphries – 50% – See Derrick Favors blurb for logical reasoning and what not.
Mo Williams – 43% – Should return in March sometime, maybe it’s a bit early to stash him. Maybe not! Depends on your league and team! It depends on you! Imaginary friend.
Brandon Bass – 41% – Getting burn. Burn is good! Not rug burns though. They suck. Just ask any porn star.
Jason Thompson – 37% – Seems to have regained his early season magic. Or Magic if you’re from Orlando.
Nick Young – 37% – Been over him here and there and on the podcast too! Just type Nick Young in the search box then hit the little button and watch all the magic happen!
Antawn Jamison – 33% – He’s trending up today, tomorrow he could be in the gutter a/k/a the bench.
Chauncey Billups – 33% – I’m not high on him but in deeep leagues, ok.
Al Harrington – 25% – A little stash, just a little. Just enough to get you high! In the standings I mean. What were you thinking? Mmm-hmmmm.
Jerryd Bayless – 20% – Should continue to see 20-25 mpg of run and do a little bit o’ dis and a little bit o’ dat. No, he’s not Irish!
Taj Gibson – 19% – If Carlos Boozer is moved then Taj is kind of like in Derrick Favors’ boat. Or is it Favors’s boat? I can never remember.
Jonas Valanciunas – 19% – Pssst, didn’t you hear, Jonas is now starting in Toronto. Better hurry and grab him. I’m not sure why I’m whispering.
Al-Farouq Aminu – 19% – Surprised to see Al-Farouq only 19% owned. I wonder if his friends call him Al? Farouq?
Derrick Williams – 18% – Why the hell not, right?
Kyle Singler – 13% – Now starting at the small forward position. Go ahead and take a whirl. Take a whirl on Charlie Villanueva too! Wheeeeeeeeee.
Alexey Shved – 13% – If Luke Ridnour is moved you’ll have a boon on your hands with Alexey. The definition of boon according to Google is “a thing that is helpful or beneficial”. Like I said, a boon!
Tyler Zeller – 10% – Cheap boards and blocks. Not a lot of blocks, not a lot of boards. Hey, I said cheap! You get what you pay for!
Lavoy Allen – 10% – Keep riding Lavoy, small case V, until Thaddeus Young returns then launch!
Alan Anderson – 6% – I’m not really sure if he’s trending up but after his big game Wednesday when he dropped 26 I’ll throw him on the list. Feel free to ignore. Feel free to grab. Your team, your call!
Andrew Nicholson – 5% – Getting some run so worth grabbing right now. Al Harrington may cramp his style though so don’t get too comfy!
Will Bynum – 4% – Will be inconsistent in Detroit with Brandon Knight and Rodney Stuckey around but could be moved by this time next week. If he’s moved he’ll probably be inconsistent but, hey, you never know. That’s why it’s called spec!
E’Twaun Moore – 4% – Another stash through the deadline in case J.J. Redick is moved. He could be your next Jerryd Bayless! Everyone stay calm now, stay calm.
Enes Kanter – 4% – See E’Twaun Moore 1/4 inch above but insert Al Jefferson for J.J. Redick and Derrick Favors for Jerryd Bayless. The current version!
Mikael Gelabale – 1% – Uphill streamer while Andrei Kirilenko remains sidelined. Like salmon! Or something like that.
Alec Burks – 1% – Getting some run, scoring some points, turning the ball over. Some good, some bad. You gotta take them both, said Tootie!
Derrick Rose – 83% – Didn’t you read that the season is 65% over already? If you need to win now, you really should probably do the needful if there’s a hot free agent out there. No, I’m not Indian.
Andrew Bynum – 80% – See Derrick Rose 1/4 inch above. Andrew is not Indian either but I hear he likes Indian food! Does anyone even know what the hell I’m talking about?
Marcus Thornton – 77% – Really, it’s ok to lose him in your shallow league. Really, just let it go. Let. It. Go. (douchey version).
Ray Allen – 75%) – See Marcus Thornton 1/4 inch above. Lots of themes similar themes today!
Brandon Knight – 75% – I’m not sure he really needs to be owned in so many shallow leagues as his ownership percentages indicates. Monitor and possibly launch! I said possibly!
Michael Kidd-Gilchrist – 63% – Has not been good, dawg. I’m not sure singing is for him.
Jared Dudley – 59% – You guys (girls!) who own him best pray he gets traded. I don’t see him getting big run in Phoenix anymore. At least until the coach starts hating on Michael Beasley anyway.
Jason Kidd – 53% – Insert sad face emoticon here.
Hedo Turkoglu – 22% – He took a banned substance last Summer to help him recover then claimed he didn’t know it was banned but now he’s banned! How ironic.

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